Thursday, August 25, 2011

Peg Aloi is not a Bas Ass Feminist

Peg Aloi is a freelance writer who published an article in the Huffington Post entitled “Tough Gals: Do They Still Exist?”

Dear Peg.

(where to start)

First, not a fan.

Second, lemme get this straight: I can’t knit and be a feminist. I can’t like cupcakes or sitting in a garden and think that my vagina is not the point of my life. I can’t be educated and like to be pretty, too. Do I have it?

You ask know what happened to our bad-assery while making fun of the choices women have made. Maybe you didn’t get the memo: feminism is about choices.

That means that as a Riotgrrl from way back I wrote zines and played music and fought and shouted and said what I needed to say in my Third Wave way so that some idiot can come along and have her say. And have her say is that I am no longer a bad ass because I knit.

Actually, this is one of the reasons WHY I am a bad ass. I am not embarrassed by women like you. The bullies who need to put down the choices of other women, because you see them as “too girly.” I fought for the right to make choices, and I am making them. Because you don’t like the choices I am making does not make you more of a bad ass. It just makes you a Mean Girl.

And let us be very, very clear here. Being a Mean Girl in NO WAY makes you a feminist. Ever. It just makes you mean.

I am reminded of a panel I was once on consisting of Second Wave (Civil Rights Leaders) and Third Wave Feminists. I was, of course, on the side wearing Blue nail polish, Doc Martens and a BITCH t-shirt. I didn’t say much during the conversation until the end.

Many of the Second Wavers were telling us how hard they had it so we could have it easy. And they wanted to know why we didn’t understand that. They dismissed us as “not getting it” and we were living (in your words) “in a silly fantasy.” I finally spoke up.

I asked them then and I ask you now. “But isn’t that the point? Didn’t we have the fighters who created a world where I have the right to make my own choices instead of having them made for me? I was told it was my right to have choices. Now you are telling me I need to THANK you. Well, which is it? A right? Or a gift?”

Ms. Aloi, do you not see that you are doing the same thing by demanding that women not like cupcakes because it isn’t violent enough? I am not fighting a nail polish war here, just one for equality. I notice that you do not bust on the male blogs who talk about cupcakes or knitting. And they are out there. I can direct you to them if you like. No, you just bust on the women. This behavior, in case you were unaware (and I suspect you are) is SEXIST.

And then (and this is the best part) you cite women on television. You really didn’t get the memo. Most of us who are feminists don’t buy into media and the male gaze, or in your case, the female gaze of what and or who is bas ass. Because frankly, I don’t think you have ever seen an ass that is bad. I can turn around and show you mine if you want.

I want my children, both male and female, to be able to eat cupcakes, play baseball, wear sparkly nail polish, like flowers and most importantly, not be held accountable for their genitalia by women like you.

Just sayin’

learning curve

Wow. Lots going on this week:

School is back in session so I have a three o'clock pick up time again.

But not all schools so I am still coaching and teaching swim lessons

All the over-achieving kids who want their early decision and early actions for next year are asking for extra sessions before September first. One guy who wants West Point hadn't even started his essays.

I started blogging for and had to learn an entirely new desktop publishing tool as quickly as possible, PLUS how to deal with photos in this not so great or likeable tool. (not fun or intuitive). Read the guidelines wrong, thinking I had to post on the Deb WITHIN a certain time, and not AFTER a certain time (oops), so had to take down three posts. (Don’t worry; they will be back up as soon as I can put them back up).

Most of shops have placed their initial knitting orders for fall, so my hands are moving constantly,

And, I have been rediagnosed with walking pneumonia. And the antibiotics are kickin’ my ass, so the one thing I was doing for myself (working out with a personal trainer), I have been told not to do this week.

And Away we go.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

when an angel gets her wings

Today was a good day. After all the usual meeting with clients and cleaning the kitchen, I went to a wine and cheese party to celebrate the publishing of a friend's book. And I found out, her second in the series has also been done gone and published. The Author's name is Heather Haven, and her books are murder mysteries.

She is hilarious. Both in print and real life.

If that were not enough, many of my writer buddies whom I have not seen in a while were there. I am so happy to be a part of a system that is so supportive of one another. We all bought books from her, and had her sign them. We all drank her wine (writers are good at that) and ate her cheese (that too), talked about writing, and books and laughed a lot. It was all very civilized, and I thought to myself, Academics and scientists don't do this. We don't support one another's work and applaud like we mean it when another person wins something. No, no, we want to cut their throats. Or at the very least shoot a poisoned dart in their eye. The left one.

Writers seem to realize that there are tons of books and tons of writers and ultimately, Heather's success is not my failure. It is Heather's success, and she worked damn hard for it. So clap your hands, and know that when it is your turn, she will be there for you too, clapping just as hard. And knowing Heather, probably harder.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


So I will be blogging for Care2 which I am pretty excited about. Not only will my readers be able to enjoy my snarky little self here at The Deb, but also about real world issues over at Care2. For those of you have not discovered Care2, it is the largest online community for healthy and green living, human rights and animal welfare. For those of you who know me personally, this is not such a huge surprise. These are all things I rant about on a regular basis. Well now, I will be getting paid to do so. It isn't much, but my voice gets heard, and what is the point of having a mind if you can't speak it?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

up and running

A blog is generally for the person who is writing it. Hopefully the readers get something out of it too, but if they don't, the blog will still have served its' purpose for the writer. This blog is a grown up incarnation of one that I had three years ago, same name, and a zine I started in college, and then picked up again later in grad school. All with the same name. so if you have read me somewhere before, then welcome back, and if you never have and are only here because i am your friend somewhere on the web, rock on, It is delightful to be writing again, and this time, I am hoping to establish something called a platform.

Evidently, in the publishing world these days, you need to establish a readership consisting of blogs, twitters (my twitter name is mhaire - follow me), FB and other social media. Since I am writing a novel (I am almost done, thanks for asking) and love social media, I got pretty excited about this. It is a form of self promotion, which I am not into - (I mean, who wants to be all Timothy Ferris about it), but one I can get behind. The bottom line is that if you don't like how I write or what I have to say, then you won't read or follow me. Fine. Cool. That is the beauty of this type of self-promotion. It is self-selected.

But I hope you do. I hope you do like what I have to say and I hope you do follow me.

Wander around. What else should I have up? What would you like to see?