Okay so here is the thing. I don't know if I am ever going to get published (but I hope I am) and I don't know if I will ever get a job again where I LOVE going to work and feel creative and as if I am not working with a bunch of douche bags who just don't get it and say racist things, but I gotta believe that I will. Maybe I am just a half full type of person (although saying that is like saying that Charlie Sheen is ready to party). But it feels like I have to live as if both of those things are true.
When I first started teaching I loved my job. I mean, I LOVED it. I said that the day I began to hate coming to work was the day i would stop doing the job. And i did. I began to hate my Dean and my chair, and began to dread coming to work. My students continued to be wonderful and I continued to love them. But the administration could choke and die.
I have been out of the classroom and off formal work situations for almost half a year, and have finally come to the realization that I need to live graciously and be as kind to myself as I can. It is kind of liberating to know that I can get up, shower, make coffee and go to work as I write at my own desk and take myself out to lunch if i like. It is the routine of it that I need to stick to, and when I do, I am incredibly productive.
it is the sticking to it that is hard. I have to remember that it is not free time. It is work time, and no I can't go read a book outside, or run to Trader Joe's because I am out of peppermint cookies. Don't call me expecting to chat over the latest crap that came out of your co worker's mouth, or how your mom hates you today. I can't go to the sale, but I can work in the garden as a coffee break, or have a purr session with His Orangeness Mr. Max, and all is right with the world.
But I have to get up. And I have to get dressed as if I am going somewhere, and a shower is a good idea. Oh and feeding Max. Pets play better when they are fed. And I smell better when showered and coffeed.
And this, this is the trick.
