Thursday, October 4, 2012

Bang Bang Bang (the sound of my head against the table)

2011-09-18 Elf Fantasy Fair 2011 Edition Arcen
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Okay, so here I am (yes even as we speak) in class.  This is the class I was most looking forward to, and it is the class I hate.  The teacher is (I think) or Arabic origin and has a thick accent.  He is difficult to understand and is often vague.  He yells a bit and makes us, okay me, not want to answer at all.  When I have answered, and I know I am right, he says something slightly different to make me wrong.  He then wonders why students do not want to sit up front.
            He also gets the theory wrong.  A lot.  But not enough to say anything and not enough to do anything but set my teeth on edge.  There is some sort of language disconnect that does not allow for anyone else to be right, or give an answer that he does not expect.
            It sucks.
            Luckily, the book rocks.  And the projects rock.  I have learned more from writing my midterm than I have in the entire seven weeks of class, so far.
            That’s cool.  And makes me feel like I am moving forward.

            I had forgotten how much it sucked to have a teacher that you don’t enjoy.  Welcome to graduate school.

            Sigh.

            The other part is that I am learning how much I just don’t know. I am also learning how to work with all sorts of different people.  I am lucky.  Most of the folks in my program are very nice.  And it startles me when one of them friends me on Facebook or wants to connect on linked in, and I actually have to go and look up who they are.  I am at a disadvantage.  I was called out a couple of times at the beginning of the class as the one with the Doctorate.  That is how people know me, the one with a Ph.D.  Oh excellent.  No pressure.  And no way to fuck up.  And I am gonna’, especially in this class where I cannot seem to find the right language.
            I feel like my face is painted green and my lips are blue.

            And then I remember there are so many people in this program who are so much better at so many things than I am.  I am learning form them all the time.  I am grateful for the girl in my group who does this for a living.  I learn every class from her. And the guy who used to be a rockstar in the HR world. He told me that seeing so many degrees would lead him to think I was indecisive.  Wow.  Good to know.
            I am once again in a world where I am not the brightest person in the room.  It feels pretty good.  There is so much pressure in being the one who is supposed to be the most knowledgeable.  I am expected to be the one who solves conflicts, the last word in any discussion, the test giver, the Power. I am soooooo not in this world.  I get to learn too.
            I like it here.