Recently, I
attended a fantastic conference in San Francisco aimed at young designers and “How
to Make it in the Design World” (HikeCon). Almost to a person, the speakers had a
common refrain: Be Nice and Be Humble.
Do the small things, cuz’ none of us all that big of a deal.
I absolutely agree with this advice, much as
I did the first day of my Engineering program when one of the faculty said,
“Remember, your reputation begins now.”
I even tweeted and retweeted this advice, because I think it so
important. All of the organizers of the Conference were gracious and kind. I spoke highly of my weekend, but especially of them.
Aha!
I got it. I mean, I sort of had it before, but I really got it.
I began to think
about way these people, many of whom are my age and older, are saying this over
and over. I began to get curious and
realized that once again; people don’t know how to be people in certain
circumstances.
I
don’t think it is there is fault to be assigned around this. I think it is an evolution of society. Parents were so concerned with their
children’s self esteem that they over inflated it. They got trophies just for showing up, whereas
that was the LEAST of what I had to do to get a trophy. The “I deserve a break because I showed up”
mentality is prevalent in young designers, especially with all the swag in the goodie bags that we
are given just for showing up, or the amazing products that we take for
granted.
Don’t get me wrong;
I am not going to tell you tales of how my childhood was better than yours, or
how I had to walk three miles in the snow both ways barefoot, uphill, and that
these hardships made me a better person.
I throw my share of snark and sarcasm, like any other intelligent,
articulate feminist in today’s world. I
work on not judging others, like EVERYone else in the free world. But I am nice, and I have manners. I have the old fashioned kind where I send thank you
cards for everything, and drop a cake on your doorstep in times of trouble, and
sometimes just sit quietly and listen.
You will always have a cloth napkin at my house, and I will never point
out your bad manners or tell you that you are hard to work with. There is almost always a smile on my face. I can just hear you now saying ”Yeah, that is
because you are from the South.”
Maybe.
It is true that
portions of my childhood were spent in the South. Other portions were spent in other places,
small towns all. I am lucky enough to
still know some outstanding amazing people from all these places (Thank you,
Facebook). One of the main things that
most of the small towns have in common is the concept of manners and being
nice. In fact, the NY Times just wrote
an article about how Thank you notes and manners in general are “On Trend.” I laughed out loud. Where I am from (EVERYwhere that I am from),
they were never passé. Maybe it is
because small towns need manners more than large cities do. You may never again run into the person you
were rude to in New York, but I guarantee that you will in a small town. You don't have to like that person or ever respect him or her, but you really do need to treat them well.
Design is a small
world. Your reputation began long before
you thought about it. Good
manners go a long way in most societies.
Studies show that well-mannered people are more likely to get ahead
in the world of business, more likely to be liked, and they also find
themselves more commonly invited as guests and welcomed in society.
In the design world, the Small Town of Corporate America, we have something called
empathy maps or persona building and the people who do it well are the people
who have the most empathy and are also, not by coincidence, the nicest.
The Corporate
world is a Big City, and is, ironically, finally recognizing that rudeness
feels bad. The construct that business
isn’t personal is stupid and selfish.
Business is personal because the ONLY thing that matters is
relationship, in the design world, or in the real world.
So, be nice. Learn that the best design is the one that people respond to, resonate with and feel something about. You can only design this way if you understand how people think and feel. You can only understand this by being nice. Do it even if you are not a designer.
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