Hear the Song
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An all female band called the Mrs’
was at the BlogHer conference. They
opened for Kerry Washington, after both Guy Kawasaki and Ariana Huffington
spoke. These are former rocker chicks
who suddenly found themselves married and with kids. They realized that there was no music on the
radio that represented their demographic (not exactly a surprise) and decided
to change that. Quite laudable. After all, they are more than just mommies,
or mommy bloggers. (Yet call themselves
the Mrs? I am hoping this is an ironic
point).
Their single is called “Enough” and
is meant to be an anthem for women in their demographic. Women are 52% of the population and a good
majority are mothers, so this should be an easy sell, especially to a feminist
like me. And it is. I really want to support them.
I think what they meant to say was
“enough” of the crap that are constantly being fed by the media our partners
and our colleagues. Tired of being told
you are not smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, techie enough, whatever
enough. They were tired of buying in,
threw their hands in the air and yelled “Enough: Enough of you and your
limiting message. I AM enough, and screw you for telling me that I am not.” Indeed, one of the lyrics is “No more telling
me who I need to be.”
Okay, I get that. And,
again, laudable. I feel that way, too. But I am still bugged.
To further their message for all
women, they had a booth at the Vendor Hall that handed out stickers for the bathroom
mirror which said “You look amazing.”,
and “Whatever you are doing, keep it up,” and “You are enough.” They also had a magic mirror booth to say
things to the gazee that women don’t say to themselves, positive things about
self worth and beauty. All great things,
and I was on board, sort of. Yet,
something about it bothered me.
It seems so limiting to say ‘”I am
enough,” as if that is all that I am capable of. I am upset that these women are mitigating
their own self-worth. When I first heard
this message I was disturbed. I don’t want
women to say “I am enough”, I want them to say, “I am MORE than enough, and you
are the problem because you can’t get that.”
The way it is now, women are the problem because they can’t get that
they are enough, because they are too busy comparing themselves to what they
themselves and others think they ought to be.
What is worse it that the anthem comes off as a rebel song. That sucks. That sucks that the rebellion is even present or necessary.
It gives rise to the reason that
BlogHer exists in the first place. Women don’t think they have the chops to be
tech dorks, and the tech dorks are quick to let them know they agree, and call
these women posers. So women have to
come together for solidarity to combat this.
If 52% of the population are women, then we are NOT a special interest
group, and should not be treated as such.
To be relegated to be being just another Girl [mommy, crafty, fashion,
pick your title] Blogger is again, limiting an all levels. I write because I have something to say. And I use technology because I am an
intelligent articulate person in the world. Not because I am a fake geek girl
who just wants a platform to bring attention to myself.
The whole fake geek girl thing is
just stupid anyway. How do you get to a place where your argument is that I pretend
to love technology just to attract a nerd boy? Again, limiting, and this time you expect
me to buy in. The best rebuttal to this
that I have seen was featured on Upworthy and has two nerd boys talk about why
the concept of a fake geek girl is ridiciulous.
It is logical and well thought out in its conciseness, explaining yet
again that women are more than capable of being techie without wanting to date the boys, or having to be the nerd version of a Supermodel
Technology is a tool that is gender
blind. Being a nerd should not have the
idea of genetalia attached to it. The
boys do this. Not the girls, and this is
once again why the Mrs wrote their song and once again why I take umbrage. It
is this kind of false attribution that creates a culture in which I have to
defend my nerdiness, because the truth is, I AM kind of a cool girl. But I am ALSO a nerd, and also a jock, and
also crafty, and also lots of things. To
quote Whitman, "I am vast, I contain multitudes."
Do not confuse me for a one dimensional object that shocks you with an
opinion, or worse, a capability. And
don’t expect me to suddenly feel as if I have to defend myself to you because I
am all of those and more than good enough at one thing. This is my problem with Mrs. I am so so glad they are coming into their
own, and rock ON, Sisters!! I am already
there, and I think a lot of women of my generation are too.
So I get the idea. I get the anthem. But I almost think that by putting it out
there more attention is brought to bear on why we limit ourselves then how we
don’t have to. It almost becomes an
angry self-limitation. And I am bummed about this. And I am bummed that they have to feel this
way. I do think the problem is the buy
in of women. I also think it is easier
for women to buy into this because the pressure to be perfect IS directed at
women. My suggestion is to put the onus
where it belongs, not on ourselves, but on those who are creating the pressure,
and lets not buy THAT. Pointing it out
when someone wants you to be who you are not is a great message. To say you are only enough, is not. We are all more then enough.
